I complain about unemployment only because I feel like I’m supposed to. And because the lack of income aspect makes it really suck. Otherwise, though, oh it’s been good. I did a massive edit and continual read-through of Daughter, which normally I can never do. It’s always been in snippets of stolen time. Hours one day, 30 min another, then a day, maybe a few weeks in-between. And amongst those editing sessions, I’ve encountered something I wanted completely overhauled, or have switched chapters, written more. In sections, everything appears brilliant, but in a complete read through attempt, I haven’t been pleased.

But, thank the gods for unemployment! I found a great editing style and used it religiously. I went through and rewrote my tense to a completely present one, and I LOVE it. I think in completely present tense, but I write in past. Super frustrating. Also, I hacked it in half, worried as always that it’s too large a book and won’t be accepted. Loved the idea for a day, then knew without a doubt that it was wrong so I put it back together again and promised never to do it again.

But, I finished it 2am on Monday!

That was my, oh fuck moment. That last page. That’s when the panic set in. Not the publishing panic. That’s ever present. The not writing panic. I’m ITCHING to write. I want to dive right into finishing book two. And Blue’s starting to get aggravated and wants her story plotted and written, and I so want to get going! Both of my very different protagonists are like siblings fighting for attention. It’s making me sick and crazy, cause I know my unemployment term is ending soon. (As I feared, this evening I received that anticipated email with my start date for the new job scheduled for Monday). Dear Seshat (Egyptian Goddess of Writing), I so want to write instead! But I’m grounding myself. I need to devote time to getting published.

God it’s brutal! Writing is easy. It’s how I breathe, but I want more than just to write. I want to see my book getting read. That’s the point. That’s how I connect to people. Or, to delve into Lira’s mind, how I connect to ‘Others’. This non-author living is suffocating me, so I’m attacking the whole publishing aspect to make it happen. I have until Monday to educate myself better. I went to Barnes and Noble today and spent a shit-ton of my no-longer incoming income on publishing and agent guides and magazines. I’m told to be completely well-versed on that aspect of being an author, and as I hate entering into situations blind, it makes complete sense. I have two drafts of new queries written, but I completely grasp the concept of writing them not with the goal of being accepted, but to not be rejected. So they’re going to sit a little longer until I know I’ve gotten my fill of research and publishing/agent knowledge.

Course, my cure for writer’s block has been to ground myself from writing. Not allowed to touch the computer, even for email or internet, and it’s like taking away television or video games for the boys- you crave it that much more. My block breaks and I have scraps of paper filled with scenes and edits and notes. So, reading Writer’s Guide to Getting Published is having a counterintuitive reaction. Especially as I’m forcing myself to read the chapter on how imperative it is to ‘force’ yourself to write every day. That’s never been my problem. I’ll admit that outwardly people may find me scattered or distant, but I’m writing even if not physically!

Therefore, of course, I couldn’t stand the torture anymore and ran upstairs to my computer and am, as you see, disobeying me being grounded. Writer’s platform, right? If I put it on my blog?

I’ve read that series are no longer selling, but I’m not in the slightest deterred. When I was younger, I avoided series. I wanted clear stories that ended quick so I could jump into the next. I didn’t want to waste time with just one author. I wasn’t pleased when this story blossomed into its overflow of additional books. At first. But then I started reading large trilogies and found I liked them better. I got pulled in deeper, and when they ended I was heartbroken until I got the next one. I’ve started Facebook-following the authors of books I’ve been astounded by, to read other readers’ comments and to gauge reactions to trilogies and series, and don’t quite accept the publishers’ assessment. Maybe sales are down due to lack of worthy reads- these ones excluded. Readers are crying and begging for the next installments, and once they latch onto a writer’s words, they read every other series that writer produces.

Alright. I got it out of my system. Time to return to my research.