Ode to Chicago Drivers…..

The right side of a one and a half lane street is NOT for passing the suckers who actually stop at stop signs (and lights). Yes way! They are completely mandatory stops!

The fact that you pulled aside for an ambulance does not mean you get to run the red light to make up for any time lost. Even if the three cars in front of you have already done so. Especially if the three cars in front of you have already done so.

True, if you run over pedestrians as they cross the road, there are no longer any pedestrians in sight, therefore the pedestrian law would cease to exist. Except, there’s a pedestrian law! Which means you cease to drive when people are walking! The devil will not catch up to you if you stop for two minutes. Although, as you’d be stopping so that you a) don’t commit vehicular murder, b) would be acting out of respect for the law, and c) would be exercising an honest-to-God human emotion called consideration, you might just delay him even longer. Oooo.

Just because the light is green does not mean you move if all the cars in front of you, all the way to the next light, are not moving. Filling up the intersection when there’s no hope of you getting any further for another two lights is just ignorant!

The grass is not greener on the other side. You cannot drive abreast of my car and then decide you have to be right where I am. RIGHT. NOW. and bulldoze my car into the oncoming lane of traffic.

Park your car in that gigantic empty space that can fit a semi! The center of the street is not a parking lot!

Your car may have a radio, but that does not make it a radio. If you want to listen to your music until 2am, roll up the windows, turn off your car, and get your ass back inside your house where you should have an actual radio! With the volume low enough that the rest of the block can’t hear it!

I feel better.

Until tomorrow.


2 thoughts on “Ode to Chicago Drivers…..

  1. They are god-awful! I was super glad when I began taking the train to work, as it cuts down on my own road rage (every commute was a threat on my life and I began to view my car as a weapon I wished I could use). However, walking to the train turns me into a pedestrian (see above). Being very nearly run over every morning is what spurred the post! Yesterday’s guy was NOT going to stop, even though I was already in the street. I so wanted to flip him off, but feared getting shot. And then run over.

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